standing still in transformation
Exactly three years ago I was sitting in my Ducato van with my dog Nino and a lot of stuff, about to leave Florence, where I was born and spent 31 years of my life, to start my solo journey to Amsterdam.
I drove for three very cold and snowy days, stopping at gas stations on the way to have work calls with clients 😅.
I also lost the cap of the gas tank and fixed it in a very creative way (see picture :))
When I arrived at my new place in Amsterdam, on a windy Friday evening of February, I was excited, exhausted and a bit scared at the same time and had no idea what was coming next.
Looking back to these three years they have been the more surprising, transformative and unexpected of my life. I was lucky enough to work as executive producer for my favorite digital production studio in the world that made me travel to L.A. and move to Amsterdam. And still, despite how cool that “dream job” was, after one year I realized that I wasn’t happy and decided to quit with a heart full of gratitude for that experience.
Just after quitting I met my partner, after several years of being single, moved in with him after two months and went through a lock down just after one month of living together.
I grew a vegetable garden for a while, founded Casa Lucina, studied tarot and really deepened my sacred and devotional practice every day.
In these years I met a lot of people and teachers that really opened my mind and my heart, had a super deep and transformative soul journey and improved my relationship with my parents.
I also realized I don’t want to live in Amsterdam anymore, even if I love the city and I am sure I was meant to spend some time of my life here. But I feel very clearly it’s time to move on and I am ready to embark on a new journey soon and this time I don’t have to do it all by myself.
If I think about all the things that happened in these three years it is a lot, but still, during this time I often had the feeling I was stuck, still, like I wasn’t doing enough for my growth. Working with women I realized this is a very common feeling.
But, even if we think we are stuck, the truth is that the transformation is already happening deep inside. We just need to be patient and compassionate to let the shift happen on a deep level inside and then, only when our soul will be ready it will manifest outside.
This made me think of the tarot card “The wheel of fortune”: three characters hang still on the wheel and it looks they are completely motionless, even if the wheel is actually floating on the water and moving with the flow. There is a subtle movement going on in that card, but at first we don’t see it and probably the characters on the wheel are not aware of that. Only surrendering to that flow we will be guided into our evolution and growth and we will meet someone that from outside will move the handle to make the wheel spin again.
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